Bring on the Beer Revolution in Colorado

Bring on the Beer Revolution in Colorado

Sometimes, when you are in search something truly great, you get smacked in the face with something even greater.

It was late January. Torie and I, looking for an escape from the Montrose winter doldrums, decided on a trip to Austin, Texas. Besides a weekend of sun on our pale faces, we were in search of a few things Austin is known for – live music, beer, boots, and, of course, barbecue. In our minds, these were the quintessential elements of a perfect weekend in Texas.

Torie had already hopped a flight to Austin earlier that Friday morning and before I’d even left our house in Montrose, she was sipping beers on a patio enjoying the Austin sunshine. Flying standby, with no seats available for a while, I found myself eddied out at Houston International Airport for a few hours waiting for a vacant seat on any flight to Austin.

This mode of travel can be good and bad. Good…no, great…in that travel anywhere is inexpensive if you have the patience. But it can also be expensive, especially if you have a strong thirst for beer and other refreshments that are poured at overpriced airport lounges. On this four-hour layover in Houston, where I spent most of the time getting buzzed up at a faux taco shack in the C Concourse, my thirst cost me.

While the tacos at this so-called “stand” looked uninviting, the selection of beer taps beckoned – mostly easy-to-obtain domestics plus a few Mexican imports. I weaseled my big shoulders between patrons, claimed a stool amidst the tightly packed bar full of business travelers, and ordered an IPA brewed by Samuel Adams. Everyone at the bar was eager to get their buzz on.

A quick note on my beer consuming palate: I was born and raised a Budweiser drinker. I love its drinkability and the beechwood aging. Ten years ago, never would I stray away from my red, white and blue bottle unless I absolutely had to. After a few years living in Portland, Ore. where IPA’s rule the hipster roost, my palate has changed. Now, I like to start things off with a crunchy IPA or two or three and then set in on a few of my beloved Buds. I love the astringent taste of a good IPA as well as its heightened alcohol content.

So naturally, at this bustling airport bar calling itself a taco shack, I ordered an IPA to get things going on the right foot. In the middle of my third IPA, the guy next to me, who looked disturbingly like Paul Ryan, succeeded in getting my attention.

“You’re drinking that IPA right? That’s the Rebel, made by Sam Adams?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s pretty good. Not too hoppy.”

He ordered one as he loosened his tie and draped his blazer over his carry-on bag. By the number of ripped valet bag ties on the top of his bag, it was easy to decipher that this guy spends a hell of a lot of time in airports. And, no doubt, at airport bars.

He took the vacant barstool next to me and sucked back more than a quarter of the beer.

“You’re right. That’s good. An IPA that’s dangerously drinkable.”

“Cheers to that,” I said, then finished mine and ordered another. The beer buzz was grabbing a gear in my head.

“The thing is,” he said, “is I can’t keep up with the beer these days. Every time I take a moment to look at the beers available, there’s something new. It wasn’t long ago when I’d be seated at this very bar and there would be four taps available. Bud, Bud Light, Coors Light, and MGD. That’s it.”

He paused to take another long drink, almost finishing his pint. Fella was thirsty.

“Now, you take a look at the taps and there are 10 of them. IPAs. Rye IPAs. Scottish Ale. Blueberry infused wheat beer. Quadruple hopped then dry hopped IPA. Sour beers…Shit, I can’t keep up.”

I nodded my head in agreement, although it wasn’t something I’d pondered recently.

“Not that I’m complaining,” he said. “I like them all. I’ll drink anything. I just can’t keep up. Everywhere you go these days there’s a new brewery popping up and a new beer to try. But I do love it though.”

He was right. You can’t travel to any city or any town without trying the local brews. Breweries are increasingly becoming the tastes that define a particular town or region. I was pondering that fact, when he shifted into a serious demeanor and asked me a question.

“Do you think the more frustrating our political system gets, the better the beer becomes? You ever wondered that?”

At first, I thought this was going to be another “blame Obama” conversation that often goes nowhere but, as it turns out, it was a question he regularly entertained. It was almost philosophical for a barstool conversation.

“If that correlation is somehow true,” he said, “what do we make of it? Is it simply that we need to drown ourselves in beer to forget about the dunces in Washington? Do we need to constantly brew new beers to distract us from the realities around us? Is brewery mania just a distraction or, could it be…” he paused, and raised his eyebrows, “that our constant growing love and desire to brew bigger and better beers really is the beginning of a revolution?”

I tried to keep up with his thought process the best I could and wondered if this guy had already put a few back at a bar over on B Concourse. Perhaps, I thought, people simply like brewing beer…Simple as that. I nodded in agreement, although I wasn’t sure how deep of a question it really was. But my new friend was sure it led somewhere.

“I don’t know the answer but I like to think about it a lot,” he said. “It also gives me comfort. If our government continues down this terrible path, the beer is going to get really fucking good and I’m OK with that. At least we have the beer. But, who knows, maybe Washington will pull its head out of its ass at some point and be productive, the quality of beer may diminish. I’m OK with that too. I’m willing to sacrifice good beer for a government we can all look up to.”

At that point, the correlation made entertaining sense, at least, and I found myself ordering a beer and pondering it. And then I stopped and looked at the beer philosopher and asked, “What if Donald Trump is elected the next president of the United States?”

He nearly blew his IPA out his nose in laughter.

“I look forward to tasting that beer if it happens,” he said. “Cheers to that.”

THE GREATEST LITTLE CONVENIENCE STORE IN TEXAS

JUST one of the many craft brew cases found at East 1st Grocery in Austin, Texas. (Photo by Gus Jarvis)
JUST one of the many craft brew cases found at East 1st Grocery in Austin, Texas. (Photo by Gus Jarvis)

It was not much after 10 a.m. and the surprisingly intense winter sun was beating down on the back of my neck. Beads of sweat gathered on my forehead. Not that it was all that hot in Austin on a January morning; the sweat was a product of last night’s beer trying to make its escape from my soggy brain.

As we stood in line that morning, with the smell of barbecue smoke wafting in our faces, the feel of my head reminded me of the night before. Foggy recollections of an expensive bar tab. It had been an eventful conversation, if pointlessly thought-provoking, at the airport. The barstool philosopher and I talked Trump briefly before I paid somewhere in ballpark of $75 for the beer I’d just consumed. Finally, with two seats available, I hopped on the 25-minute flight to Austin.

After deplaning at about 10 p.m. and a quick Uber, I met up with Torie at the house of our two friends, Polly and Jeff, who were hosting us for the weekend of fun. All buzzed up, I wondered what they had in store for us on a Friday night in Austin. Live music? Country dancing? Bar hop until 2 a.m.?

“Because we have a few things planned for tomorrow night, we thought we’d take it easy here at the house,” Jeff said, showing me around the place. “We’ll get the campfire going out back and…”

He paused.

“Shit. I almost forgot to show you the most important thing,” he said.

Swiftly into the kitchen we went, where he had a small Styrofoam cooler packed chock full of heady, locally brewed beers in cans.

“That’s not all,” he said, opening his refrigerator and sliding out a gigantic drawer in the middle. It too was full of colorful cans, including a variety from Zilker Brewing Co., located just down the road.

“We’ve got some work to do,” Jeff said with a grin. And work we did well into the night and early morning hours.

Talking story and staring at the campfire under the big Texas sky, we killed the foam cooler of beers and damn near knocked the entire refrigerator drawer clean as well. As it turns out (not surprisingly), Austin too has a booming brewery scene and the beers, especially Zilkner’s Marco IPA, were to die for. The next morning, as we stood in line for Texas barbecue, I could barely remember all the varieties we’d tasted the night before.

So far, in my brief 36 years of being, I’ve tasted very good St. Louis barbecue. I’ve savored North Carolina pulled pork on several occasions. I’ve been up to my elbows in Alabama barbecue. I had not, however, tasted real Texas barbecue, especially the brisket that’s so popular in Austin.

And despite the hangover and a case of the sweats, I was excited to be in line for some smoked happiness. Apparently, there are a number of barbecue landmarks in Austin. Some of which require lining up in the hours before the sun rises to get a brisket fix before it runs out. Polly and Jeff suggested La Barbecue. We would have to wait in line but we wouldn’t have to get there before sunrise. Located within a gated food-park with other vendors selling food, La Barbecue is comprised of a few food trucks and a smokehouse. Seating and eating is outdoors on long picnic benches settled in the middle of the food truck park.

Like I said, we’d gotten there not much after 10 a.m. and already there were at least 50 people ahead of us in line. Opening at 11, it was going to be a while…a while with somewhat of a substantial hangover.

Luckily we’d brought the final four beers from Jeff’s fridge drawer. Unfortunately, the one beer each wasn’t enough. The line was long and the sun was hot.

“Is there a place close by where I can get more beer?” I asked.

“I think that gas station place on the corner over there should have some.” Polly pointed down East Cesar Chavez. One block away was a convenience store that didn’t look all too inviting.

“I’ll be back,” I said. “Anything in particular you all want to drink?”

“Surprise us,” Jeff said.

By the looks of this convenience store from a distance, I thought, they are going to be surprised with the four King Cobra 40s I bring back in paper bags.

Waiting to cross the street and staring at this store in the face, I began to wonder if this place would even sell me beer. As I walked through the gas pumps, what was a blurry image of this gas station became clearer, and yet more confusing. And as I approached it even closer, a shining red image of the Virgin Mary herself appeared above a decrepit pay phone near the left edge of the building.

No kidding. On the wall before me was a brightly sun-lit, broken-mirror mural of the Madonna.

WELCOMING murals at East 1st Grocery in Austin, Texas. (Photo by Gus Jarvis)
WELCOMING murals at East 1st Grocery in Austin, Texas. (Photos by Gus Jarvis)
WELCOMING murals at East 1st Grocery in Austin, Texas. (Photo by Gus Jarvis)

“What kind of convenience store is this?” I asked myself.

Then, peering around the corner of the building, I was struck by the vision of another broken-mirror mural, this time in tropical-ocean blue, in the image of Gandhi. The building was a standing paradox. Ugly. Beautiful.

The kicker, here, was that it was even more beautiful inside. My judgment of this establishment from the barbecue line was way, way off. This was the convenience store dreams are made of. Seriously.

The store was packed tightly with tall shelves, most of which were loaded with bottled beer, while a drink cooler that would normally be full of single Cokes, bottles of water, teas and juices contained a spectrum of six-pack microbrew cans from around the country.

I stopped there and began to figure out what six-pack would do for our barbecue extravaganza. An IPA from New Mexico? A porter from California? A refreshing blonde ale brewed locally in Austin?

Just when I thought my head was going to explode in beer nirvana the owner of the shop – young, dark skinned and neatly dressed in a polo shirt – stepped over and asked if I saw anything I liked.

“This is one hell of a selection,” I said. “I have no idea which way to go.”

“That’s what I thought,” he said. “If you go to the back case, there are empty six-pack sleeves and singles. You can build your own sixer.”

He returned to the counter.

In the build-your-own six-pack case, the variety was much the same so I took two IPAs, a seasonal lager, an amber ale, and two summer wheat brews. From bombers, to 12-pack bottles, to six packs, this ordinary convenience store had one of the best beer selections I’d seen – everything from the very expensive Belgian bottles to the 40-oz. bottles you would expect at a convenience store.

As if that wasn’t enough, up near the counter, there was a serve-yourself kombucha stand that looked much like a serve-yourself beer tap. Three flavors of fermented goodness for those times you need a break from beer.

Of course, this store had everything else one would need at a quickie mart as well: cigarettes, Goody’s Headache Powder, Slim Jims, tortilla chips, bean dip, condoms and gossip magazines.

I’m not sure one could be emotionally moved by a convenience store or not, but I’m pretty sure I fell in love immediately. The store was beer-forward, with everything else you need in life on the outskirts. The East 1st Grocery is the real deal. I wish I had one back home in Montrose.

“This is a great store. I can’t believe all the beer you have,” I told its owner as I paid for my six-pack. “One of the best beer stores I’ve ever seen. I had no idea what I was walking into.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d heard such a review from a fellow like myself but it was easy to see that he was proud of what he provided.

“Thanks,” he said. “I love beer and, for the most part, the people who love beer. Just livin’ the dream.”

Passing the Virgin Mary and Gandhi on my out with a cold six-pack of beer and  Texas barbecue not far away, I thought once again of the barstool philosopher I’d met the night before. “Maybe he was right. Perhaps the revolution was on? This convenience store guy was proof of that, I think, and it made me smile.

And you know what else made me smile? Reaching the end of that rainbow back in the food truck corral and getting ahold of some of that famous barbecue.

The four of us had bought too much. Several pounds of mouth-melting brisket, covered in smoky char, spare ribs and beef ribs. Of course, all of this came with a pile of barbecue accouterments including coleslaw, pickled jalapenos and a pile of sliced, grease-soaking white bread.

For me, the highlight of our messy caveman style picnic was the brisket. Tender, moist, and smoky. Spiritual barbecue. The brisket, I knew, was going to be ethereal. The surprise, however, was the beef ribs. Nearly as big as a forearm, the fat, meat and layer of bark provided an altogether different barbecue experience. So much meat on one rib and it was so very rich.

In my large, 260-pound frame, I can no doubt pack away some food if I’m feeling it – especially when I’m hungover. As I had envisioned it, this barbecue fantasy I was living out was going to be one of those times where I had no limits. I was going to throw self respect out the door and eat until I could eat no more. I was hoping to put three to four pounds of food away all by myself.

SMOKED barbecue at La Barbecue. (Photo by Gus Jarvis)
SMOKED barbecue at La Barbecue. (Photo by Gus Jarvis)

So if there was any sort of disappointment with this real Texas barbecue, it was from the point that I simply couldn’t eat as much as I wanted to. The brisket and the rib’s richness were so intense that it’s a type of food where your belly tells you to quit early. I’d say I ate a third of what I could normally eat. It was too good and too rich to overdo. I was disappointed in myself. I wanted more and just couldn’t do it.

While we picked away at the leftovers in front of us, all feeling overwhelmingly full, I asked Polly and Jeff if they’ve ever been into the convenience store that impressed me so much before the meal.

“No,” Jeff said. “Why? Is it that terrible?”

“Actually, quite the opposite,” I said. “It could be the greatest convenience store I’ve ever been to in my life. I mean, they have a beer selection that is out of this world. That make-your-own six-pack I brought back was pretty sweet, right? This place had everything good going for it.”

“And on top of all that,” I continued. “It has kombucha on tap, three flavors of it to be exact, and you are blessed with not only the Virgin Mary on the way in but Gandhi as well.”

“Well, we need beer for this afternoon,” Jeff said. “We probably should see what you are talking about.”

Smiling in seeing my return to the store, this time with friends, the proprietor asked if he could build my six-pack this time.

“There are a few things you should try,” he said, grabbing an empty sleeve and going to work on his selections. “This one was brewed just last week – a Hefeweizen from Austin’s Live Oak Brewing. And how about this wheat?”

“Go for it,” I said. He obviously knew what he was talking about and I came close to hugging him when he handed me his selection of beers.

In short, Torie, Polly and Jeff’s surprise at the awesomeness of the East 1st Grocery was much like mine. We left with a bunch of great beer, a kombucha for digestive purposes and a bottle of Austin-made habanero hot sauce. What else could you need from a convenience store?

“Man, we just don’t have convenience stores like that back in Colorado,” I said in the car on our drive home. “You just can’t get beer like that at any corner store. Stupid 3.2 beer laws.”

“You guys still have 3.2 beer?” Polly asked. “Wait, Colorado allows the sale of marijuana but you still have 3.2 beer in stores? That’s hilarious.”

“Yeah, the only beer you’ll find inside the corner quickie mart is 3.2 Coors Light, Bud, Natural Light and Busch. You may be lucky enough to find a six-pack of 3.2 Corona if you go to the right place.”

I explained to Polly and Jeff that if you want a good selection of craft brews in Colorado, you have to go to an actual liquor store. We have plenty of them, most of which have great beer selections. What you can’t do, as I explained, is stagger down to the nearest corner store for real beer. Basically, the way Colorado’s laws work, grocery stores and convenience stores are only allowed to sell 3.2 beer.

“That sucks,” Jeff said. “I can’t believe that hasn’t been changed.”

I then explained that it’s been on the ballot before and will probably be on the ballot again soon but that changing the law so that chain grocery and convenience stores can sell full strength has its drawbacks too – mainly that you’re voting to put your beer cash into the pocket of a supermarket corporation like Kroger or Safeway rather than the pockets of the local liquor store owners.

“In Colorado, you damn the man if you vote to get rid of the 3.2 beer rule,” I said. “All of the 3.2 ballot measures are usually brought forward by the big grocery store chains and their lobbyists. We are kind of stuck with 3.2 right now.”

“But what if you wanted to open just one corner store with full strength beer and also have the food and other things corners stores have, like that place we just went to?”

“Colorado laws are stupid,” I said. “The way I understand it, is if you did that, you would legally be a liquor store and nothing other than beer, wine and liquor can be sold.”

“Weird,” Jeff said.

“I agree.”

Throughout the rest of our weekend stay in Austin, I continued to enjoy the fruits of the region’s craft breweries as well some late-night debauchery that included dancing, live music and Armodelo’s at a place called La Perla Bar. (Dive bar with a Mexican jukebox, pool tables and ice-cold cans of Modelo with its rims filled with salt, lime juice and a dash of Tabasco. A must if you find yourself near La Perla on a cool Austin night.)

It was no surprise to Torie and me that Austin was so fun. We knew what we were getting into and both of us hope to return as soon as possible. Following our return to Montrose and in our travels after that, I simply couldn’t keep one piece of Austin off my mind and that was the East 1st Grocery – a simple convenience store that had me seriously contemplating my surroundings in Colorado.

BOTTLE SHOP ENVY
It wasn’t long afterwards – this time sipping a freshly poured IPA in a bottle shop in North Carolina – that I began pondering Colorado’s retail and consumption of craft brews again. The craft-brewing scene in the Tar Heel State is a beautiful thing.

Of course, there are tons of new and local breweries doing wonderful things with their many brews. What had caught my eye, recently, was the abundance of bottle shops. (We may have weed shops in Colorado but the concept of bottle shops is a foreign thing.)

Forcing ourselves to get some exercise and fresh air on a gloomy overcast day, my parents and I built a strong thirst for a few beers while hiking around the Falls Lake Dam and the Neuse River, where I wished I had brought my fly rod.

As with most visits with my parents, a day of activity would usually end with a stop at either a brewery or some grungy local dive bar with a good Budweiser special. Not far from the hike, my mom remembered, was an interesting beer place she and Dad had stumbled upon a few weeks back. They couldn’t remember the name but could remember how to get to the nearby strip mall where it was located.

“I think you are going to like this place,” my dad said as we pulled into the strip mall parking lot and then finally in front of a store called The Hop Yard. “They’ve got a lot of different beer.”

Retail and tap beers are available at The Hop Yard. (Photo by Susan Jarvis)
Retail and tap beers are available at The Hop Yard. (Photo by Susan Jarvis)

Inside the long, rectangular store stood three long wire metal shelves creating aisles of various bottled beer. Numerous brightly lit refrigerators full of craft brews lined the far left wall. The place was full of retail craft-beer enjoyment from breweries around the country and the world. At the end of one of these aisles stood a large chalkboard with 18 different beers listed with their individual brewery origin and their alcohol content.

Those listed beers, to my surprise, were also the list of beers that were on tap behind the bar located in the back of the store.

Sitting at the bar, which held as many seats as it had beer taps, this bottle shop concept hit me smack in the face.

“So you can come in after work, ponder life with a couple of beers – great beers – and then grab a six-pack, 12-pack or a bomber to have when you get home? This is brilliant,” I said. “I can’t believe this hasn’t taken off yet in Colorado. There should be one of these on every street corner.”

“I’m going to open one when I get home,” I continued, probably three beers deep at that point and feeling talkative.

“You should,” my mom said. “These places are everywhere here.”

“Everywhere? Why haven’t we been going to these places? I said.

“I guess we thought you knew about them,” my mom said. “You seem to know everything.”

I rolled my eyes.

Well, as it turns out, my mom was right. Throughout the next week of my stay in and around the Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill area, it was as if the blinders had been taken off and there were, in fact, bottle shops everywhere. Beer establishments that sold beer both for consumption at the establishment and retail for take away. The 18 beers on tap at The Hop Yard that day reflected a good mix of mainly North Carolina craft brews that also pulled from further south and from points up north on the Eastern Seaboard.

From that point on in North Carolina, I was on the lookout for bottle shops. I wanted more. And I wanted to see how they were all operated. The wheels were still turning in my head in opening my own someday.

And then we walked into the one. Closer to North Carolina State University, the North Street Beer Station is it. It would be my place of residence if I lived nearby. From the looks of it, with its one-door entrance and its sliding garage door to the left, it was at, one point, an old garage or workshop. On this clear and cool evening, the door was open letting in plenty of fresh air. The lighting was right. The antiquated brickwork of the building’s walls brought some nostalgia.

I remember only one wall of retail beers for sale and, perhaps, six or seven craft brews on tap to drink. North Street Beer Station may not have the extensive beer selection other bottle shops have but it made up for it with the brews they had selected and, more importantly, with its atmosphere.

Men and women of all walks of life including the well-dressed business people and the grungy local stoners – all of them were having a great time in the North Street Beer Station. For us, we enjoyed three or four beers and a game of Cards Against Humanity. Where else can you enjoy Cards Against Humanity and feel good about yourself? The North Street Beer Station, that’s where.

GUS Jarvis and his dad, Craig, enjoying craft Brews at North Street Beer Station in Raleigh, N.C. (Photo by Torie Jarvis)
GUS Jarvis and his dad, Craig, enjoying craft Brews at North Street Beer Station in Raleigh, N.C. (Photo by Torie Jarvis)

All buzzed up, once again, I began to think of my airport conversation with the philosopher back in Houston. Around the country, good beer being brewed by the people, for the people, is a way of life – a revolution of its own. I also thought again of his correlation. The beer in North Carolina was exceptionally good, and it didn’t speak well of that state’s politics – an axiom that is unfortunately ringing truer by the day.

THE POINT OF BEER PROGRESS IN COLORADO
Back home in Montrose, I’d already studied up on why there isn’t a booming bottle shop business in the state. Just like the aforementioned great convenience store idea, they are outlawed by our antiquated state liquor laws.

Believe me, I planned on opening a bottle shop right smack dab in the middle of Main Street Montrose. But Colorado laws say no. Here it’s stated:

Regulation 47-008. Fermented Malt Beverages – Limitations of License.

  1. No person licensed for on-premises consumption only, pursuant to section 12-46-107(1)(b), C.R.S., shall sell fermented malt beverages in sealed containers, or permit the removal from the licensed premises of any fermented malt beverages in either sealed or unsealed containers. 
  2. No person licensed for off-premises consumption only, pursuant to section 12-46-107(1)(a), C.R.S., shall sell, by the drink, any open container of fermented malt beverage, or permit the consumption of any fermented malt beverages within the licensed premises.

Lame.

It was late in the afternoon, just the other day, as I sat in front of the TV mindlessly watching some sporting event. Maybe it was hockey. A commercial came on that urged Colorado to change its liquor laws so that full strength beer could be purchased in grocery stores. The ad, which was obviously paid for by corporate grocery store chains, showed a flanneled and bearded hipster-looking guy who simply wants convenience when he goes shopping at the supermarket. “Why should he be denied the convenience of buying good, full strength beer in Colorado’s grocery stores? It’s time for a change. It’s time for convenience,” the advertisement said, “by supporting an upcoming ballot initiative that would change Colorado’s liquor laws.”

“Why can’t we have a one-stop shop for food and beer?” the bearded man asked. “I think its time for a change.”

I couldn’t agree more and yet I couldn’t disagree more at the same time.

Yes. Colorado’s liquor laws need to change but no, they don’t need to change in order to favor the big grocery store chains so that their boards of directors can line their pockets with the fruit of good brewers’ labor. Convenience isn’t the answer. Bottle shops and individually owned corner stores are the answer.

Colorado liquor laws need a few simple changes. One would enable retail liquor stores to allow consumption of beer on premises – and bottle shops to be born.

The other simple change would be to allow liquor stores to sell retail food and items you would find at convenience stores. Colorado, with its strong craft-brew atmosphere, would finally be able to keep up with the rest of the country in what is an ongoing beer revolution. Happiness and individual beer selling is the focus.

There may or may not be a ballot initiative coming in November to amend Colorado’s liquor laws. I do guarantee that the big grocery store chains and their lobbyists will get one on the ballot in the future. Forget convenience while shopping for your Campbell’s soup and forget grocery store chains. They aren’t the point of beer progress here.

What we want are locally built and operated bottle shops and unique convenience stores that are able to give us Coloradoans what we need: great beer on tap, great beer by the case, and, perhaps, a bag of chicharrones to go with it.

When I set out to find great barbecue in Texas months ago, I found something even greater, which came in the form of a convenience store. A convenience store that made me think differently about the realities here in Colorado and the possibilities – which are realities in other places around the country – that could be here in Colorado.

Donald Trump is a reality we must all confront. It’s time to improve our beer economy here in Colorado before its too late.

“Revolutions are not born of chance but of necessity.”

– Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

Je ne Comprends pas


Je ne Comprends pas

It’s seemed a pleasant conversation enough to overhear on a Monday morning.

“Morning.”

“Good morning,” the short, squatty woman replied to the man as he took a seat next to her.

Besides those two, I was the only other one in attendance so far for the regular meeting of the Montrose Board of County Commissioners. We were 15 minutes early for the meeting so small talk ensued.

“So how have you been?” The slender man dressed in a navy sport coat asked.

“Oh, I’ve been great. How about you? What have you been up to?”

“Well, my wife and I just got back from Paris,” the man answered, excited to tell his tale of travel abroad. “We spent a week traveling around the French countryside and then a week in Paris. I have to say it was absolutely wonderful. The food. The wine. The culture. I had no idea I would like it so much. My wife fell in love with France too. Have you even been?”

He was eager to find common ground with someone who had a common travel experience there. He went to the wrong person. With nostrils flaring crusted snot, hackles rising up on her grey-haired neck, veins popping out of her yellow eyeballs and a noticeable rise in her heart rate, she replied emphatically.

“I would NEVER set foot in that country in my life. That place absolutely disgusts me!”

Her unexpected reply caused me to spit half my coffee on my laptop. The poor man said nothing more and stared straight ahead. The conversation, which began as innocent Monday morning small talk, was over. Fini.

What caused her reaction? We will never truly know because neither one of us wanted to ask. But knowing her right-wing conservative affiliation and weekly rants at government meetings, France, I am assuming, with her perceived Socialist ways, is part an axis of evil. She was one of those “freedom fries” activists I’m sure.

Her statement made me laugh, though, because all my life I’ve been trying to step foot into France. In middle school I hosted a French foreign exchange student for a summer. I took four years of French in high school. I dreamed of tasting sole meunière. This woman’s number one nightmare would be seeing the Eiffel Tower in person. For me, it’s been a dream.

DSC_0472

C+ to Success

Unfortunately, I was reminded of my “freedom fries” friend several times as we travelled through France last September. The first instance came as we visited the Basque costal town of Biarritz in southwestern France.

Me being the best French speaker out of the four travelling together thanks to my four C+ years of high school French (Merci Madame Swanson!), it was up to me to speak to the man operating the quaint hotel we’d booked two rooms in about an hour prior to our arrival.

“Bonjour…ehhh…Nous avon…ehhh…un reservation.”

I’m pretty sure Madame Swanson wouldn’t have been too impressed.

The hotelier smiled and stopped me.

“I speak English. Carry on.”

I guess he wasn’t too impressed with my French either. But as it turns out, my French was enough to unlock his generosity. Besides giving us a couple of old school, rustic rooms; a bunch of recommendations for food and drink (the best moules-frites, fried sardines, octopus salad); and a few pronunciations of French verbs; he also gave us some advice for our travels through the rest of the countryside and into Paris.

“Always try to speak a little French if you can. Even if it’s just, ‘Bonjour.’”

The hotelier, who actually grew up in England and spoke perfect English, had a great sense of humor and a knack for telling good stories. He recalled a time when an American, a Texan to be specific, needed a room but lacked any courtesy upon asking for one.

“So it’s got to be at least 8 p.m. or so on maybe a Tuesday,” he explained while standing at the small, dimly lit lobby. “It was the offseason and the kind of night nobody was out looking for a room. I was half asleep already.

“And then, breaking the silence of the night, there was this loud BANG, BANG, BANG on the front door. Startled, I then thought to myself, ‘Shit. Did I lock the door already?’

“BANG, BANG, BANG. And again. BANG, BANG, BANG. It was loud and really obnoxious. I quickly opened the unlocked door before this grizzled man standing before me could knock again.

“‘Bonsoir,’ I said, wondering what the hell this guy wanted.

“‘I need a room,’ the man, wearing a faded Longhorns T-shirt, demanded. ‘I need a room,’ he repeated as if I didn’t hear him. At this point, I’d lost all ability to speak any bit of English.

“‘Que?’ I said.

“‘I need a room. This is a hotel right? Well, I need a room.’

“‘Je ne comprends pas.’

“‘Son of a bitch.’

“‘Je ne parle pas Anglais.’ I gave him a look of complete and utter confusion. He gave me a look like his head was going to explode.

“‘I can’t believe this,’ he said as he turned around in anger, walking toward the curb where his car was parked. ‘Unbelievable.’

“By the time he reached his car, I found my ability to speak English.

“‘Excuse me, I do have two rooms available if you need a room,’ I yelled to him. He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around very slowly, realizing I’d known English this whole time and was messing with him. I thought for one moment he was going to come and punch me in the gut. Actually, I was ready for him to do so.

‘“You mean to tell me you understood me that whole time? Son of a bitch. You are the most rude hotel operator ever. What the hell do you think you are trying to prove?’

“‘I’m simply trying to help you realize that you are in fact travelling in a different country and that a little courtesy and a little effort in speaking the local language will go a long way. You just can’t demand everything in English without a little courtesy.’

“He was still steaming, not really comprehending what I was saying.

“‘I don’t speak French,’ he said.

“‘I’m sure you know the word Bonjour,’ I said.

“‘Yeah.’

“‘It’s probably a good idea to go at least that far. It’s one word and it will make all the difference in the world to the people you are talking to. It’s my advice to you.’”

While the angry Texan did take a room for the night, the hotelier didn’t think he took his advice to heart and is probably standing in a hotel lobby now, somewhere deep in Norway, demanding a room in accentuated Southernese.

I wondered how my freedom fries friend back in Montrose would have done with this guy?

The story made me feel better about my terrible French. I’d blown right past the “Bonjour” part, that was no problem, and I was trying to figure out the verb conjugation for “we have” when I met this guy in the lobby. His story was not only funny but one that gave me encouragement to bumble even further with my C+ French language skills throughout our trip.

It was a few days later in our trip that the man’s story really hit home.

Sure, it was kind of hard to believe that an American would walk into a hotel on the coast of France and start demanding things in English. Or maybe it’s not too hard to believe when I think about it further? Either way, we pretty much met that same demanding Texan at a car rental agency in Bordeaux.

On a bright and clear morning, we had a train to catch to Paris and the four of us travellers were patiently waiting to return the keys to our rental car. Like any car rental agency, the line was long and slow moving. Fortunately for us, all we had to do is hand in the keys to our car and get on our way. Unfortunately for us, we still had to wait in line with all the people who were picking cars up.

And like most long-line situations that test your patience, you begin eavesdropping on conversations, especially those conversations that are keeping the line from progressing. First there were four American men arguing with each other on who was going to drive on what day of their trip. They needed to make sure everyone who was expected to drive was on the car rental’s insurance to drive. It was a longwinded, but nonetheless entertaining conversation to say the least.

Just as their conversation with the agent was buttoned up and the line was about to move forward, a frantic middle-aged man stomped through the door and cut right to the front of the line. He slammed a set of car keys on the counter just in front of the gorgeous dark-haired agent.

“Um…Yeah…We were just in here an hour ago and rented a car. My wife and I thought we would remember how to drive a stick shift but it’s not coming back to us,” he said.

My guess was Missouri accent. Maybe even Arkansas. His accent definitely had some backwoods Ozarks flavor to it. He had four thick gold rings on his fat sausage fingers. “We made it a few miles in that direction and decided to stop the car. It wasn’t working right. So, I’m going to need a different car right now, an automatic, so I can go pick my wife up. She’s very upset. You are going to have to get one of your boys to go and pick the damn car up.”

“Boys?” I thought.

Once again no, “Bonjour.” Just demands.

The car rental agent was cool as ice. She showed no surprise and acted as if she’d heard these same demands before. Her reply was priceless.

“Je ne comprends pas.”

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Dinner for Two (and More)

When I think back to our time in France, there are, as you might imagine, plenty of highlights that stick out.

With centuries-old cathedrals dotting the horizon of rolling hills of grapes, our travels through the Bordeaux region always comes to mind. Waiting in line to buy head cheese for a picnic at the Eiffel Tower is another. The echoing sounds of a Wednesday evening mass inside Notre Dame still gives me chicken skin. The beautiful Tricolour blowing in the breeze below the grand archway of the Arc de Triomphe does the same. The smell of a freshly baked baguette in the morning brings tears to my eyes (mainly because there’s nothing even remotely close available here in Wonder Bread Montrose.)

There are hundreds of memories I like to recall when I think back on our trip to France. There is, however, one memory that tops all: Dinner at Restaurant Chez Georges.

Up until this point in our trip, when it came to finding places to eat, the four of us travellers would usually be buried nose down in our smartphones looking for any sort of restaurant reviews from Yelp, Google and the like. And for the most part, the reviews would point you somewhat in the right direction. At the same time, it would make making an actual decision on where to dine even harder. Technology can be burdensome.

On this evening, the two couples were going separate ways. It would just be my lovely wife and I together in search for some classic French dining.

“There’s two places within walking distance that look pretty good on Yelp,” Torie said, looking down at her phone, then handing it to me. “What do you think?”

For some reason, I was tired of reviews.

“Let’s just go for a walk and find a place that looks good.”

“You sure? We’re only in Paris for four days. We don’t want to screw it up by wasting time at a place that’s just OK, right?” Torie said.

“We’ll find a place. I think even the bad restaurants in Paris will knock our socks off.”

“Sounds good to me,” she said and off we went into the night.

With nearly a full moon above, we walked the dark streets of Paris in a random direction. The narrow streets, busy and full of sidewalk cafes around some corners while it was dark and quiet around others, was twisting maze. We found ourselves in a sort of Chinatown, full of Asian restaurants. Both of us agreed Asian wasn’t on our menu that evening. We kept wandering, checking menus as we went. So far, nothing had struck us.

We finally came upon a brasserie that looked promising. It was plenty busy, had a menu that looked enticing to both of us (I was eyeing the mussels once again).

“Let’s walk two more blocks,” Torie suggested.

“What’s wrong with this place?”

“Nothing. It looks great. But lets walk just a little further.”

In my mind, my idea to go sans Yelp review was backfiring. Now our indecision was going to keep us from making any sort of selection in a reasonable amount of time.

“Do you know if there’s more in two more blocks?” I complained.

“No. I just want to walk further. If we don’t find anything, we’ll come back here. Sound good?”

“Sure,” I said, knowing full well we’d be coming right back to that brasserie.

At the end of our two blocks, I was close to turning back, when Torie said, “What about this place?”

Restaurant Chez Georges, with thin curtains covering its windows, didn’t look promising.

“It looks closed,” I said.

“The menu says its open.”

The menu, displayed in a small window with several bottles of wine, was scrawled in blue and pink ink. Faded by the sun, it looked like it had been there a while. While hard for my English language eyes to read, the menu was extensive.

It was at our point of indecision of should we stay or should we go, a tall woman walked out and without pause gave us the review we needed.

“Have you been here before?”

“No,” Torie said. “We just walked up on it.”

“This is the place you want to go. Try the mushroom appetizer tonight. It’s really good.”

“Thank you so much,” Torie said.

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In we went.

The dining room was long and narrow. Mirrors covered most of the walls. Brass ornamented the place. Uniformed wait staff, which seemed like a lot of them, hustled in and out of tables, pouring bottles of wine and taking orders. The place was brightly lit and joyfully loud. It was also damn busy. Would a place this, for lack of a better word, fancy, have an open table without reservations?

“Good evening,” the host said, going straight to English upon seeing us. “Do you have a reservation?”

“No, unfortunately,” I said.

“Perfect,” he said with a sly grin. “Just the kind we like. Follow me.”

On the left side of the narrow and long dining room is one long row of tables, end-to-end. All of the white cloth covered tables were occupied. All but one, which had two vacancies smack dab in the center of the long row. In order to sit at the table, one of the waiters pulls the table out for one of us, Torie in this instance, to sit inside on a long bench. The waiter then pushes the table back into the row, essentially locking the guest into place. And then I sit across from Torie, elbow to elbow with strangers on both sides.

For us Americans, this is an uncomfortable prospect. We like booths. Name the last time you went to a restaurant and when the host/hostess offers a table or a both and a table is selected? No, we like booths. We like to hover over our fried seafood platter in private without strangers watching us cram our faces with hush puppies and ketchup.

So to say that I was a little uncomfortable with our seating, at least at first, is an honest statement. Not the smallest guy in the world, weighing in at 260 with broad shoulders I sat with my hands in my lap, trying to keep my elbows in as we ordered a bottle of wine.

To my right sat a middle-aged man in a blue blazer. I was trying not to rub elbows with his date sitting directly next to me. To my left was a table of four men in their mid-50s passing a bottle of wine around and all speaking at each other at the same time. They looked like former soccer mates out for a night on the town.

With a half bottle of wine down for Torie and I, we began to loosen up and feel at least a little more comfortable. The gal from outside was indeed correct in that the mushroom starter was damn good. Very simple. Thick, meaty mushrooms sautéed in butter with herbs and just the right amount of salt. Torie ordered the foie gras to start, which, as it turned out, was as thick and heavy as a sidewalk paving stone. Almost too much richness to start with, yet it was impossible to stop eating. Getting that luxurious liver down called for another bottle of red.

Soon the conversation picked up between us and the parties on both sides of the table. The gentleman to my right, it turns out, knows a Colorado congresswoman very well – a congresswoman that Torie works with regularly. One of those small world instances that seems hard to fathom.

Both the man and lovely date (Torie and I saw no wedding ring, so we assumed date) carried the conversation with us over topics of food, what to do in Paris, and American politics. Why not? The wine was flowing.

“I’ve got to use the restroom,” Torie whispered.

“Can’t you hold it? I mean, we have to move this table out to let you out. I feel like we’ll disturb everyone on both sides of us.”

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll let you out. It’s no big deal.”

It was one of the guys sitting next to me on the left.

“This is how we do it here,” he said, smiling and helping to move our table out.

Upon Torie’s return, our conversation shifted from the right side of the table with the couple, the left side of the table with the four men. As it turns out, all for of them are from different European countries but have all worked together and known each other in Paris for the past 30 years.

Over another bottle of red, we talked about their work, the weather, France’s chance in the Rugby World Cup, and yes, American politics. It seems everyone is in awe of the U.S. political system. And I don’t mean awe in any sort of positive way.

As his table passed around a gigantic bowl of salad, one of them asked us how we found that particular restaurant.

“How did you find this place?”

“We just walked up and found it. I guess we are lucky,” I said.

“The four of us, we work right up the street there,” he said. “We’ve been coming here for years. There’s not too many places like this left in Paris. You are lucky indeed.”

We felt damn lucky to be there and we hadn’t even had our meal yet.

Just as that thought sunk in, our food arrived. Torie went with the red meat and ordered steak frites. Somehow they take two simple dinner staples and make them better. The best, in fact. I ordered the sweetbreads in a light cream sauce with morel mushrooms. The sweetbreads were tender and rich. The morels brought liveliness to the cream sauce that almost brought tears to my eyes. Seriously. Can a cream sauce bring tears to one’s eyes?

I was contemplating that when the gentleman sitting to my left asked me a question.

“How did you know to order that?”

“There’s not too many places in the U.S. where you can get sweetbreads. So I figured I better try what I can’t get,” I said.

“Well, those sweetbreads are the best in all of Paris. I mean that. I’ve tried them everywhere. Nowhere has that dish like they have it here,” he said in excitement. “The only problem is they used to serve it with steamed potatoes. That really finished the dish off.”

“Oh, I bet that was good,” I said. Before I could finish that sentence, the man had snapped his fingers, yelled to the waitress across the room and before my next bite, I had a side of steamed potatoes. He was spot on. They were the perfect side to a perfect dish. And once again, I realized that somehow the chef at this place had perfected a simple dinner staple. The potatoes, peeled whole, where perfectly soft, creamy and seasoned with butter and parsley. I asked myself how in the hell I screw this up so badly when I make them.

The meal continued and the conversation continued. We carried on conversations with the man and his date. We turned for incoming conversation from the table of four on the other side. Those two tables had conversation over our table. It was as convivial an atmosphere as you could have. At the same time, the food was some of the best food I’ve ever tasted. Rich as can be. And it was a richness that washed down well with plenty of wine.

Dinner finished with a simple dessert of raspberries and whipped cream. Ethereal in the simplest way. It was sad when we all said goodbye after two-plus hours of eating, drinking and rubbing elbows. From the atmosphere, to the food and drink, to the overall dining experience in relatively tight quarters, it was an experience Torie and I had never had before.

When you are planning a trip to Paris and you read travel sites, books and the like, I’d always thought it was some sort of cliché when one of them would tell you where to go for a classic French bistro experience. I didn’t know what that meant so it never meant anything to me. On this night, the two of us stumbled upon what I think is that classic French bistro experience everyone talks and writes about so fondly.

I now see why it’s so popular.

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Wasted Brainpower

Back home in Montrose, I was walking through Target just the other day picking up a few groceries and was heading to my car in the parking lot when I saw my freedom fries fighter stepping out a gigantic F-350 diesel truck. She was wearing a Christmas sweater that would take top prize in a college ugly sweater contest.

Naturally, her truck was taking up two parking spots, one of which was a wheelchair accessible only spot.

Anyway, seeing her reminded me that my reality was that I was, in fact, back in Montrose. It also reminded me of that early morning conversation she shut down a few months back, particularly her statement, “I would never set foot in that country in my life.”

Knowing what I know about visiting France now – its culture, its food, its history, its beauty, its people, the f-ing classic bistro experience – I wondered if her shallowness or close mindedness could benefit from experiencing the culture of France. Maybe, perhaps, it would open her eyes and make her not so damn angry. Maybe the French could prove to her that they were good and decent people and that they have a way of life worth experiencing? Maybe she just needs to get out more? Maybe the world would be a better place if more people could experience other cultures? Experience things rather than dedicate six to seven hours to Fox News everyday?

And then I thought otherwise.

Maybe some people, like the freedom fries fighter, need to stay home. Maybe they are incapable of experiencing culture or, even, joy? Perhaps, they are better off at home manning their post where they won’t rub their ill will on anyone? I couldn’t imagine her rubbing elbows with the patrons sitting on both sides of her.

“Another bottle of wine?”

“Absolutely not.”

I could hear her asking for a manager because she asked for a booth, not a cramped table with elbows on both sides.

As I watched her wrestle with two shopping carts that were stuck together, I asked myself this question: Why in the hell do I spend so much brainpower thinking about her and her angry ways? Why do I care?

I couldn’t quite find the answer.